Corporate Lessons

CORPORATE LESSON #1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

CORPORATE LESSON #2

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story

Always let your boss have the first say.

CORPORATE LESSON #3

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day when a small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure why not."
All of a sudden a fox appeared. Jumped on and ate the rabbit.

Moral of the story

To sit and do nothing, you must sit very high up.

CORPORATE LESSON #4

A turkey was talking to a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree" sighed the turkey "but I don't have the energy."
"Well why don't you nibble on some of my droppings" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutriants."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who promptly shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story

Bullshit may get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

CORPORATE LESSON #5

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field.
While it was lying there a cow came by and dropped some dung on it.
As the frozen bird lay there in a pile of cow dung, it began to realise how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him!

The morals of this story are:

1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut